For the past week and a half I’ve been in a retreat of sorts.  I had up to two weeks to be completely on my own, out of people and tech.  But after just a few days I found what I was looking for.  I wrote it all down in a document.  Here are some excepts.

Big Dreams

Or “The Constitution of William J. Szal” V2012

transforming dull brittle homogeny into vibrant resilient diversity 

Version 2 - Winter 2012

Connections/Feedback? 

*This document is written symbolically, meaning that each sentence triggers extensive complexes of ideas in my mind that other parties likely do not share.  It’s a framework written for me, and will need more explanation and elaboration in places to make sense for others, tailored to their specific background.

Introduction: Journal Excerpt

I think I’ve hit an epiphany stage.  I don’t really know where it came from, so that’s a good indicator.  Maybe out of the pain of being just with myself, or that was the spark/transmission line.  I’ve really been heeding others’ dislike of my plans.  What I need to do is repair these relationships, and then have a starkly crisp version of my vision that I can present to various audiences.  One of the things I hadn’t realized before, is that if I have a compelling enough vision, people don’t need to agree with my plans/actions, they just need to sympathize with my values and motivations.  Moreover, has anyone that’s ever done anything that worthwhile ever had that much explicit endorsement or support?  From Michael Jordan to Thomas Edison, each talks of utter failure hundreds or even thousands of times!  Their friends and family probably still cared about them, but’d probably given up on them as crazy years before they were met with any success.

Worldview

The only person my worldview and my actions ever need to work for: me. How am I to interact with myself and the world, operating under the assumptions of interdependence, impermanence, and compassion rather than of separation and control? I am and will always be vastly more ignorant than knowledgeable. As I was born into this universe as a human being, I owe a magnificent debt.  It is my joyous duty to repay this debt through mindful presence and action. How am I to support myself if I believe in the inherent uniqueness of everyone, everything, and every service and do not believe that they can ever be quantified in a way that facilitates direct exchange? I believe that the concept of ownership is an incomplete understanding of the more fundamental truth of stewardship.  I am always a steward and never an owner of all forms of capital of which I have access.

Other Vocabulary

• Existence
• Positive
• Conscious
• Creativity
• Beauty
• Systems
• Networks
• Community
• Sacred

Directive

My current understanding of my sense of purpose directs me to facilitate the realization of the relationships that underlie the whole that is humanity and the natural world.  I assist in the enactment of the transformation of humanity’s worldview from fragmentation to integrity by coming to empathy with the motivations of leaders of different dominant and alternative cultures and serving as a translator between these cultures.  As I live between the worlds of local food systems, permaculture, entrepreneurialism, multinationals, and spirituality, viewed through the lens of New England and the United States, my work will begin here.  As the primary way humans collaborate with each other and the natural world is the economy, this work will focalize around supporting the emergence of a new paradigm in money, shifting the emphasis from growth economics to gift economics.

Reminders

Let the answers emerge; don’t assume

Compassion not control.

On the Creation of this Document

This draft is the product of 21 years of experience grounded in nourishing community.  It was composed orally and recorded by hard in an hour’s time after an epiphany on the fourth day of a solo retreat at Syzygy Community House, 9,000 feet up in the Rockies.  It’s composition followed a day-long fast and three days of Zen practice, meditation, yoga, and wanderings through a snowy wilderness.

Preparations taken directly before the retreat included:

• Letting go of negative energies in relationships with loose ends
• Resolving to no longer try to influence those around me
• Stepping down from my Board posts

My retreat was organized around concept of Creative Thinking.  Before arriving I read a book by J. G. Bennett, titled by the same name.  In this work he proposes that creativity happens through five steps:

1. Gathering information about the appropriate subject area
2. Asking the question: But what do I truly understand here?
3. A genuine need to find an answer
4. Confidence that an answer can be reached
5. A state of emptiness [with a certain intensity], to allow the arising of a spontaneous element that is outside of our own control

Although I’d allotted up to two weeks for my solo retreat, I knew by day four that I’d reached the answer that I was looking for because:

• It was unanticipated and surprising
• Reversed my internal feeling of being lost to finding vision
• Included concrete next steps
• Built gracefully on my experience thus far
• Can be executed under my own power without reliance on the favor of others
• Resonates with my strong foundation of values

This document is the newest iteration of my Regenerative Culture Project [officially started in April of 2011], and reflects the clearest view into my heart that I can express as of February 2012.

In related news, this means that I’m returning to social media.

Background posts:

• Vacation
• Retreat
• Relaxation